Funny Status Messages
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thinks people who say they don't swear haven't had the right sex or food. 
Hey can anyone tell me what rhymes with "homicidal tendencies" thanks...
Reggie Bush is losing his Heisman Trophy.....there is justice in this world.
I love the way you lie......................... on the floor after I smack you for being dumb! :p
volunteering at the nursing home today, she's hiding false teeth instead of Easter eggs for the Easter hunt.
's girlfriend was out playing golf and got hit between the 1st and 2nd holes. Doesn't leave much room for a Band-Aid
first they ban all the mexicans from az and now my happy Meals from cali,.,.,. Wats upp with this country??
the world is hilarious, first swine flu then justin bieber then oil spill?!
It still haunts me to this day; what I did for that Klondike Bar.........
Today I want to say happy fathers day, and also say thanks to all the moms. just remember fellas without moms there would be no dads !!
Donald Trump has no political experience whatsoever. Meanwhile you need 5 years experience for an entry level management level position at Chilli's.
Why can't I find out anything on Google about this Superb Owl
It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.
There is a person out there for everyone. Your person just happens to be three cats.
I'm just chilling tonight with my new plane............. Oops, I've said too much.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
*sees a knife for the first time..... "WHOA,,, that's the greatest thing since torn bread.."
Wife: You bought beer again!? Me: It followed me home. It needed love. I adopted it. [whispers to beer] Say hello to mommy.
If your girl ever says “tell me the truth and I won’t be mad” bro lie your ass off, cause she's lying her damn self
No Mr. Fifty-Something Rider, clean saddle soaped leathers and a $20,000 Harley don't make you a "Biker" any more than a tutu and a pair of pointe shoes makes me a "Ballerina". 