santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Wonder if Unemployment will be sending me a Christmas bonus this year.

   Santa is really going to enjoy the cookies he gets from Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon and Washington this year.

   Only 4 more months until Ryan Lochte comes down the chimney and brings us all presents.

   Christmas is less than two weeks away. I do most of my shopping online. But I hire someone to honk and scream obscenities at me while I'm doing it so I get the whole holiday shopping experience.

   If my extension cord ever gets tangled with my ear buds and Christmas lights, I’m really screwed.

   Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of da road I'm going to leave & come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign says, "Help, need ride"

   Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

   I asked Santa for Hillary Clinton for Christmas, but he said “No, You’ll Shoot Her Eye Out!”

   Attention!!! Christmas has been canceled this year!!! I told Santa that I had been good. He died laughing...

   If you're genuinely surprised that a successful political outsider won the Presidency instead of the corrupt Politician in the pantsuit, Please sit down .... There's something important I need to tell you about Santa Claus .....

   Hey teenage girls, Santa saw your facebook. Now you're only getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

   I can understand the right to protest. What I don't understand is why everyone had Christmas Lists in their hands. Oh yeah..... Looting Monday.....

   OK Santa I followed your stupid rules all year...it was hard not killing anyone or punching anyone in the face but I did it.....so If Milla Jovovich isn't under my tree this year you'll be first on the hit list Fat Man!

   Santa has elves. America has China.

   Finding out there's no Q is just as devastating as a child finding out Santa isn't real.

   I'm white but not "hires someone to hang my Christmas lights" white...

   Just heard there is an Occupy North Pole protest going on. Apparently Santa did not share his wealth with the naughty group.

   Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.