Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov says, "Oh hell, I forgot to feed the dog." 
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Why didn't you tell me that I wasn't going to like you
Next time you go on a road trip for 3 days, can you leave me a note? - Me to my cat.
Why would anyone make babies when they can make nachos?
part of a complete breakfast
Science is for people who like to think about what's being told. Religion is for people who like to be told what to think.
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive.
Marilyn Manson had a Sex-Change Operation and people now call him Lady GaGa
Nothing's more disappointing than getting a message, hoping it's from that girl you love, and it turns out to be from your wife instead.
A Mslim stopped me in the street and asked me for my thoughts on Muhammad, Allah and the Qur'an. I said, "He's probably the greatest boxer who ever lived, and I don't give a f*ck what car he drove.
FOX NEWS....Rich people paying rich people to tell middle class people to blame poor people.
Kurt Cobain shot himself one month after Justin Bieber was born.
Need an Ark?, I Noah Guy.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an idiot
A cat falls in a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story...A wet pu$$y makes a c0ck happy..
Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship? Neither, they both eat out
always afraid to poop at a friends house cuz I might clog the toilet...
Dems are more upset at Trump
for walking to St. John’s church
than they are at looters
for trying to burn it down.
Now that the President is wearing masks, the Left is now concerned about how effective they are. 