friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.

   Dear Wednesday, I sincerley hate you. Your nothing compared to Friday !!

   Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex! Now that I have your full attention, its weekend for god's sake, log off and go out there and enjoy your life dammit!

   You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .

   Conan O'Brien was on 60 Minutes this weekend . Jay Leno appeared 30 minutes in to take over due to 60 minutes "losing viewers and profits."

   Happy Kissing Friday Today..and tomorrow...Happy Coldsore Saturday....:)

   So you can get up early to go shopping on Black Friday but you can't get up early on Sunday to go to church.

   FYI - Tomorrow is Hard Hat Friday......

   It's Friday the 13th! Want to get lucky?

   Dear Liver, I'm sorry I abused you this weekend. My drinking habits have caused you pain a damage once again. I will make it up to you by not drinking for at least a week or until someone offers me a drink. Please don't be mad at me and continue to functi

   Why even ask how my weekend was if you're just going to interrupt me halfway through to say "Yeah, I saw your Facebook post."

   hope the USA lands another toy car on a planet this weekend to cover up the humilating 6th place in the Paralympics

   just figured i'd remind everyone that tomorrow is friday the 13th so if your luck is anything like mine call into work, wrap yourself in bubble wrap and lock yourself in your house

   Dear God, If the world is going to end on Saturday, please accept my request for forgiveness for what I am about to do on Friday. Sincerely, Your Number One Fan

   Today is my Friday, but yesterday was not my Thursday, because that's Thanksgiving and we all know Thanksgiving is in two more days, and tomorrow is not my Saturday, it's just Wednesday. Yesterday was Monday, not just in my world, but everywhere. Don't kn

   This weekend Skynet becomes self-aware and starts Judgement Day while Obama sleeps on the decision about turning it off. Meanwhile, the Terminator is running loose in California knocking-up anyone that gets in his way.

   41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.

   I came out as a lesbian to my best friend a few years ago, this weekend I'm taking her last name because I am marrying her sister. Screw my homophobic ex "BFF".

   So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.

   I'm getting my days events mixed up - Good Friday, Earth Day, Birthdays...I just sent someone a "Good Happy Irthday" message :S