life Funny Status Messages

   Some people have this amazing ability in life, the ability to still care for people they shouldn't give a damn about, people they have every right to hate because of all the sh*t they have put them through. I am not one of those people!

   If life gave Lady Gaga lemons, she'd probably make an outfit out of them.

   A Mosquito landed on my friends face.. Easiest decision of my life..

   I'm still waiting for the day that I will actually use x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 in real life

   There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

   Destiny may decide who touches your Life ~ Your heart may decide who touches your Soul ~ But...Tequila decides who touches your body

   Sometimes it's hard to know know what to say to cheer someone up who's going through a rough patch in their life. Turns out letting them stare at my cleavage is enough.

   What has the world come too? I over heard some people talking. A 15 yr old girl said "I'm pregnant" and I think it was her aunt who said "Congratulations". Are you serious? Congrats? How about you just ruined your life, you dumbass wh0re

   When I finally meet the love of my life, I hope he appreciates all the time I spent following him and hiding in his bushes.

   When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavors...make lemonade.

   Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "did you give up on life?"

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

   Beyonce's twins will never have to work a day in their life. She should name one of them Lay-Z.

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.

   Dear life, is this waking up in the morning thing really necessary?

   I hope I never die in a bar cause if someone calls a priest, a rabbi or a minister my life is gonna end up as one big joke.

   Too old for snapchat and too young for Life Alert.

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.