friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.

   Does everyone have that neighbour who fixes his car every weekend, even though nothing is wrong with it? That’s twitter in human form.

   It’s Fourth of July weekend, or, as I call it, Exploding Christmas.

   All professional sports are cancelled, and we aren't supposed to touch ourselves. Men who don't play video games are gonna have a lot of time to kill this weekend.

   Canadian thanksgiving this weekend. Don’t forget to eat a beaver.

   I'm going to give up paying for UFC and boxing, I can just tune in for free and watch the riots every weekend.

   It's national turkey club sandwich Friday. . .

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   And on Friday God created alcohol, and Adam was happy! It had been a long first week with Eve

   We get MLK Day off but not Good Friday...Dying for a dream trumps dying for our sins!

   My Wife:"Honey the sales add says the dealership will make it easy for husbands to get a new car for their spouse this weekend!" Me: "Actually that sounds like a pretty good trade."

   FYI Atheist do not have to thank anyone for Friday because Friday is a free natural phenomenon.

   The hardest question of the weekend...can or bottle?

   This weekend: The Oscars, who will make the best dressed list? Who cares? The question I want answered is who will make the best undressed list!

   feeling like it might be a randy travis kind of weekend...

   has 32 friends online right now on a Friday night....Your all a bunch of losers...I am proud to be one of you.......!

   For my constipated, politically-correct readers: Happy African American Friday!

   I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"

   If Friday ever came up missing... than more than likely Monday had something to do with it!

   Maybe I'm just lazy or unimaginative or something, but if I had a time machine I'd probably just go forward to Friday to get this week over with.