Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I'm the one your mother warned you about......to never let me be the one that got away.

   These teens moms, calling themselves a mother because they gave birth is like calling me a doctor, because I own Band-aids.

   The temps here (Orlando, FL) were in the low 30s three days ago. Today, the highs are supposed to hit the mid 80s. At exactly what point in time was Mother Nature replaced by The Three Stooges?

   Parking in the "Expecting Mother" parking spot wasn't a mistake. I'm expecting yours.

   The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.

   You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts!

   Charles Manson is getting married to a 26-year-old and I’m still single. I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother at thanks giving.

   Don't confuse fame with success. Kim Kardashian is one; Mother Teresa is the other.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her

   "You're as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care

   ‎2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up!!!!

   What is it about your mother's basement that makes you so tough on the internet?

   My mother always said "if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all." I hope she's happy my mime career has taken off.

   Really, Fresh Prince's mother? One little fight and you ship him across the continent? You won't get a "#1 Mom" mug from me, I assure you.

   Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.

   My nickname for my mother was Hannibal Lecture....

   wondering if the I.R.S. will noticed she claimed A.I.G. and Obama's mother-in-law as dependents!

   recycle...because mother earth likes to regift too

   I can charm any mother....it's getting the daughter that is the tricky part....

   That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?