danny Funny Status Messages

   typing the postcodes of nudist colonies into Google Earth and pressing 'zoom'...

   " For It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. It was not my hand you held but my love. "

   Face it. Tomboys are the sexiest damn girls you'll EVER see.

   Best Christian pick up line " I was reading the book of numbers and then I realized I did not have yours "

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

   has forgotten which sock goes on which foot

   We all have that one friend that makes us laugh with their stupidity.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..

   finally found out your password, dont bother changing it, I already did!

   I looked at you and all I could see was perfection, you looked at me and in your eyes I was a rejection.

   Throwing lamps at people that need to lighten up...

   Life is Great, if it was any better, I would have to charge myself admission!

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   Every time I consider being healthy, I remember pizza.

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   The best thing about Youtube videos is when they have managed to keep the good VHS quality.

   Famous Marilyn Monroe dress sold for $4.6 million. I bet Joe DiMaggio sent more shots against that dress than the wall at Yankee Stadium!

   I really think I am gonna get a knock on my front door one day and the person saying "We have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"