santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I wonder how long I can keep telling my kids I'm gunna call Santa..

   Here's a Christmas Idea for yas... Cheech and Chong advent calendars with 1 gram of different weed a day .

   Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy.....

   Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity's sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it's sex. S-E-X.

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   If you don't think it gets lonely at the North Pole, take into consideration that Santa named one of his reindeer 'Vixen'.

   Dear Santa: if you ignore all my actions during weekends and all the alcohol I drank, you'll see that 6 out of 12 months I was a good boy, wich makes me 50% good...It's up to you to see the glass half empty or half full

   Still haven't taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.

   4 out of 5 bubble baths result in Santa Claus beards.

   hasn't bought a single Christmas gift yet.

   Dear Santa.... All I want is access to that "bad boy's" list of yours.

   ATTENTION BIEBER FANS: All shows have been cancelled until after the holidays. Sorry for the inconvenience, but Santa needs him in the workshop.

   The way to a girl's heart is presents. The way to a woman's heart is presence.

   Why are you informing me how many shopping days left until Christmas? I'm not getting anything for you anyway!

   A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.

   Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.

   Men, if you're looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there's WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the kitchen.

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   With the fuel prices as high as they are, I'm going to be BAD this year and hope Santa brings me COAL!!!

   Santa is an unfair a$shole, He gives the more expensive gifts to the wealthier kids!