life Funny Status Messages

   I was just asked what the shelf life was of " fruit cake " , all I could say was when's the rapture .

   guess I have got to that stage in life where I am either too old for presents or my family has converted to hinduism in my abscense :(

   Signs that you have no life: when you have nothing better to do than complain.

   A man mixed his wife's ashes with fireworks....so she could light up his life one last time.

   nothing in life is free. Everything has a price. Every action has a consequence.

   Sure, I've done bad things in my life. But not "going to hell" bad. More like "Jesus is going to make me his b*tch in heaven" bad.

   Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.

   The average life expectancy of a reindeer is 8-10 years. I think it's probably safe to quit singing about Rudolph.

   Taking "naps" sounds so childish... I prefer to call them 'horizontal life pauses'

   Life is really just a big game of pushing the trash down until the next person gives in and takes it out.

   Getting ignored by even the old ugly women at work- your life sucks.

   I just watched the "Times for the Seasons" video, glamour sexy hot chicks from the 60s, the realized they're now either past 80 or dead. ENJOY LIFE GUYS! its over soon

   .... HA! ..... Ya ..... It's all fun and games till you realize it isn't a video game ..... It is real life ......

   Life is like a giant clogged up toilet If only someone was able to fix it...

   Do you know the two words that can wreck a man's life?......... I do.

   Life Hack: Send your boss an email that says " Suck my A$$" and you wont have to go to work the next.

   Life Update: There are more empty Slurpee cups in my apartment than books.

   I've reached that Stage in Life that when a Woman whispers seductively to me to, "Give it to Her" ....................................... she means my Credit Card

   Just cleaned out my friends list and for the first time in my life I finally know what they meant in Auld Lang Syne when they wrote "Should old acquaintances be forgot, and never brought to mind"

   Every time I play NBA2k, I’m deeply offended there are no short players with minimal basketball skills. How could I not be represented in a game that has nothing to do with my life?