life Funny Status Messages

   Saturdays hold the distinction of being the day of the week that has the least amount of facebook activity. It's good to know that many folks still have a life 1/7 of the time.

   Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.

   Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.

   Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up.

   There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

   You know life sucks when you have to start wearing "corrective" underwear.

   "no one told you life was gonna be this way," but later in the same song... "you're mother warned you there'd be days like these"...well did your mother tell you or not? Can I get some consistency please?

   "Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen. " And you're a human being not a lobster?!

   Sad to say this, Bernie campaign is on life support. Perhaps a GoFundMe page to revitalize his campaign might help...

   You know your life took a turn for the worst when you get interviewed for a job opening by someone old enough to be your grandchild.

   when life throws skittles at you and tells you to taste the rainbow, just throw m&ms back and say I'm not afraid.

   like who in their right mind would waste good money on life insurance when you can tell your sob story on Go Fund Me and stupid people to give you money?

   Whenever women make fun of me because I'm poor, it really hurts. Iv'e been poor my whole adult life. I can't help it if I have an earning disability

   If all else fails in my life I can always become a priest and earn a living through that gig.

   In life you've got to learn to take your time with things. That's why I went to the first grade twice.

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Life is like a carpet. Family and friends will always walk over you, and when you get dirty, the ones that clean you up.....are the people that truly care for you.

   I wanna be the reason you lose sleep at night, call in "sick" to work the next day, and then question your morals for the rest of your life.

   When life knocks me down, I call her a b*tch and walk away. She hates it when I call her that

   Think of a number between 1 and 10. Add your area code. Subtract your age. Add some common sense. What are you even doing with your life?