life Funny Status Messages

   Trying to find a name for your child really exposes how many people you have met in your life that you now hate

   You are busy telling someone’s daughter that you can’t breathe without her... Is your family aware that you are on life support?

   Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you cant laugh at yourself, call me...i'll laugh at you..!!!

   let's be honest .... nothing is as good as 90's nostalgia, Rocko's Modern Life over Sanjay and Craig any day.

   Annoy the Star Wars fan in your life by constantly referring to the force as "geek magic."

   Life is short..... Unless you're married

   Life is the 60 years between the only times when bingo and board games are an acceptable way of spending your days.

   My life goal is to buy white jeans and spill grape juice on them.

   Even if I had an antidote for fixing stupid people I won't cure them, why should I kill the entertainment of my life.

   No matter how hard life gets just remember there are always people out there who love you, if you pay them enough.

   Work has been a pain lately. Too much stress at this stage of my life...and for that reason...I'm out. If only life were like Shark Tank.

   For once in my life I think I found a new diet that really seems to be working for me! That called " I better not eat too much as I'm starting to run low on toilet paper"

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones

   From the moment I opened my eyes I"ve thought of you. Just thinking of the moment I can hold you in my arms. Pull you next to me and press my lips to you. You warm my heart and calm me down. You make me smile and complete my life. Oh morning coffee, "i LO

   Wonder if all the fake Facebooker's will be real on Halloween and tell us how their life is really going??

   so....I just got a Booty Call from Life....apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.... :(

   I think the scientific term for life is, "that's some bullsh*t."

   Call me crazy, but I want more. More sex, more love, more LIFE.