life Funny Status Messages

   MY GOAL FOR 2016 IS JUST DO LIFE BETTER!

   My ultimate goal in life is to someday sing 800-CASH-NOW in a JD Wentworth commercial.

   Life lesson....never put Preparation H next to the toothpaste in the morning.....YUCK!

   "I like soccer!" -- Someone who's either lying, trying to tick off their parents, or has given up on life.

   Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life!!!!

   ♥ LOVE always has it`s ``ERRORS`` sometimes we try 2 ``REFRESH`` then realyize it`s best 2 b ``SHUTDOWN`` but the hardest part is 2 ``RESTART`` your life and ``REFORMAT`` your HEART ♥

   Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."

   “I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win.

   They say you will eat approximately 23 spiders in your life,,, but really you can eat as many as you want.. Treat yourself, you deserve it.

   I wonder what hamsters would type on a keyboard: Free me from this prison that is my life.

   You know your life has gone downhill when a friend reminds you tonight to not get locked in a porta-potty again.

   I've seen so many bathroom selfies in my life that now I cannot tell if someone is sexy in real life unless they are standing near a toilet.

   I am starting to think my life is like a revolving door.... Every time I hesitate to go through I get slapped by the door as it passes

   A life without love is like a year without summer.

   A man who is not married tends to go through life enjoying his life.

   When life throws you a curve, downshift and take it vigorously.

   I love bourbon and bourbon loves me. It's the most functional relationship I ever had in my life.

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   One of my ex's dreams in life was to go on a helicopter ride, so like the good guy I was, I made it come true. She was air-lifted to the hospital after I cut the brake lines on her car

   I believe in life after death, so I'm hoping my ex comes back as me, so I can get my stuff back.