father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been bad” both mean very similar things, but have wildly different connotations

   I need to do something reproductive today. Happy Father's Day

   I can still remember the words my father said to me on my wedding night “let’s hope this ones not a whore like the last one!”

   Our Father who art in Chicago. Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Cup will be won, on the ice as well as in the stands.

   Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!

   youre so ugly just after you were was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea, let's go bury it!"

   The ONLY 2 acceptable excuses a man can't spend time with his child is if he's DEAD or IN JAIL, Happy Father's Day

   Babe I'm Pregnant" Guys be like: ♕ KEEP CALM I'll HELP YOU FIND THE FATHER

   saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"

   Ivanka Trump is writing a new book called "Women Who Work: Rewriting The Rules Of Success." Rule number 1 is having a wealthy, powerful father.

   I am dreaming to became rich...just like my father..."is your father rich?" ...no! he is dreaming too

   If you look in the mirror & say Candyman 3 times, my father will appear & tell you that you're getting fat.

   My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff...

   Anyone who says single moms don't do both roles of a mother & father when the father doesn't spend time or money with his children is THE DEAD BEAT we are referring to!!

   if Darth Vader was really black would he have admitted to being Luke's father?

   Father's Day must be the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   My father was right up there with Einstein in the Science department...She taught me all about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

   Belichick, Brady, & Tebow: The NFL's Father, Son, & Holy Ghost.

   Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.

   A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"