life Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes life beats you up and you forget how awesome you are. Thank god for alcohol to help you remember.

   Ladies, check your man's balls for lumps...you could save a life.

   Hun! You are just like a doll ; Pretty, but Life-less, dumb as a rock and everyone plays with you.

   In life it doesn't matter what people say about you... Most of them f##kers dont even know the real you, so who gives a toss what a bunch of sad twisted plebs think... The people who love and respect you the most know the person you really are.

   x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 TRUST ME, You need this in life.

   Life is like a vacuum cleaner, as soon as you make a firm step, it starts to suck.

   it's never to early in life to do anything...except get out of bed!

   When life throws you a curveball, try to duck so it hits someone else.

   Paging Dr. Ben Carson? Dr. Ben Carson? Please come quickly as your campaign is on life support.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   If I ever get married again, the woman I marry must have worked at Subway at some point in their life. I need to know they have experience making me sammiches. :-)

   The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.

   Nothing has held me back in life more than not knowing which U.S. National Park I am. If only there was a way to find out.

   Nothing says you have been friend-zoned for life like when she invites you to her wedding.

   Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a t-shrit with the word life on it and hand out lemons.

   All my life, I’ve lived in walk-up buildings with no elevators. Mom was right – she told me I was always going to attract stairs.

   How in the world can I make wise life choices when I still use my fingers to add, sing the alphabet to see which letter comes next and think that BBQ potato chips are actually cooked on a BBQ?

   .... Everyone has that one person in their life that is lucky to be alive and is only still breathing because you can't afford a hit-man ...