Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."

   Some kid told my son knee pads are for pussies. I told him no, that's 'maxi' pads. And his mother should see a doctor.

   Shout-out to Mother Nature for not giving snakes wings...

   If my mother knew how many potential grandchildren I swallowed I wonder if she'd be proud or appalled.

   Why are there jelly donuts but no peanut butter donuts? And why no peanut butter and jelly donuts? And why is my mother an alcoholic?

   I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.

   Dating a single mother.... It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   Kinda funny how a mother goes nuts when her China plates break, but a Chinese person would just make a new one.

   pretty sure that mother nature has been taken over by an evil step-mother!!!

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   If you don't have a watch,, The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.

   Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.

   The baby gets really annoyed when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother.

   Those saying what a great guy Jovan Belcher was seem to overlook he just killed his baby's mother!!

   Most memorable quote by a mother: "Waldo, just where the hell have you been?"

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   .... Hillary reminded me of my condescending Mother in-law and Trump reminded me of my Grumpy Uncle

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   USA - "Dad can I borrow a few trillion dollars?" England - "...Ask your mother" China - "Hell no I'm not giving you any money!! You'll just let your government friends waste it all on gambling.

   My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.