love Funny Status Messages

   I asked my Heart : Why can't I Sleep at Night? My Heart told me : Because you have already Slept in the Afternoon. Don't act like you are in Love !

   We must love and respect one another. Except people who decorate Christmas trees with blue lights. They should be waterboarded.

   i love going to church. especially when they pass around free money

   If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep.... If it doesn't, you drove far enough.

   He always has the same expression on his face; “only a mother could love.”

   when I make love, I like to do so to the sounds of the Star Trek theme, so that way the girl feels she's going to a place where no other girl has gone before

   Shouldn't love handles really be called hate handles since nobody really wants them?

   You can't control love. That's the best and worst part of it.

   When I say I love you, I do it with the same amount of sincerity with which a celebrity claims he loves all his fans. Zero.

   I'd trade my heart for a liver. Less love and more alcohol.

   If love were truly blind people wouldn't be so damn picky.

   Just wrote my wedding vows, it says, "I'll love & respect you, for fear of the death penalty for murder." Incase anyone wants to propose...

   I thought LL in LL Cool J meant :adies Love....it obviously means "Lip Licker" cuz that's all he does after he finishes a sentence!! Gotta love the Grammy's!!

   I taught her how to love, she taught me how to hate.

   Oh life I love you, specially your things I mean living things, some of them are severely cool

   I love Instagram's new direct messaging feature because I've always thought, "If only this picture of someone's dinner was just for me."

   Chicken is better than that girl who said she will die for you. Chicken actually died for you. Chicken is true love.

   A Perfect Question To Ask At Any Job Interview: Do you monitor email and internet usage as I love to look at hardcore porn sites during office hours?

   "Everything you do bothers me." A love story.

   I can't make you love me, but I can hold your head underwater until you stop breathing.