danny Funny Status Messages

   Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

   Sometimes I fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.

   The most terrifying question a woman can ask a man is: Notice anything different?

   When I say, "No problem," I mean, "YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOUR FOREVER."

   I'm not ready to adopt a highway, but a dead end street feels familiar and manageable.

   The Devil came in all his glory to tempt and recruit me, realized who he was talking to, apologized, and asked me for a job application instead.

   The only perfect science is hindsight.

   When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.”

   I don't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else

   Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

   Only 20 Java updates since yesterday??

   If you play Justin Bieber backwards you get hidden messages from the devil himself to pull yourself together and listen to something else.

   learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros..sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess

   I fight evil wherever it may be….except in dark, scary places.

   I have come to the conclusion that Google must be female, as she has the answer to everything and Yahoo is a Male , pointless and never works ..

   ♥ True love doesn't have a happy ending. It has NO ending ♥

   I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email

   I finally figured out how to f*ck myself... Take that, people that tell me to f*ck myself!

   I think stuffed animals have learned their lesson.

   The words that sunk a million hearts... "Let's just be friends"