Lil-David Funny Status Messages

   Well since the government is shutdown that means he shouldn't be taking any taxes out of my next paycheck.

   I was in the middle of a selfie and my mother walked in, now all she can say is "don't worry son everyone's doing that."

   We had a war on drugs, there were more drugs, war on terror and more terrorist, so for 2014 we need to have a war on money and jobs, it can't hurt!

   Tomorrow I'm going to the homeless shelter and getting me some 2013 St Louis Cardinals World Series Champions shirts for free..

   The best part of waking up..... Is Bailey's In My Cup...

   Well it's almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!

   The way my kids act at Walmart, it's just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!

   I post political status on Facebook just to watch my friends battle each other like it's The Crips Vs Bloods...

   We should be able to text 911, just in case you're hiding from the crazy psycho killer in the trunk of a car...

   At my age.... It's always Happy Hour!

   The government shut down because of spending money he dont have- thats called bankruptcy and foreclosure.

   Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)

   Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!

   Give me a 12 pack... My final thought before making a decision!

   When I was a kid..They didnt call it ADHD.. They called it you getting a whoopin' you little brat!

   Today I was walking down the street and a cop stop me, he asked me if I had a police record ...I said yes ....Every Breath You Take and Don't Stand So Close To Me........ Thank-God, I got bonded, my cellmate Roxanne was just a little weird!

   The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!

   Last night I think Count Dracula was following me or possibly just a guy in a vampire halloween costume either way, the wooden stake worked!

   I wonder if people with eye patches thought.....I See You!

   We should give the Syrian goverment hoodies and skittles... Then send George Zimmerman