Surhater Funny Status Messages

   I will restart the entire song if you breathe too loud over my favorite part

   Y'all don't use paper plates. I'd use a paper pot if I could. F them dishes

   If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.

   Blonde girl tells her Blonde friend. I just f cked a " Brazilian " guy. She said " You Slut! How many is a Brazilian!?"

   " Your call is important to us followed by a 15 minute flute solo "

   If you're skinny already why the heck are you trying to diet ? What are you trying to lose ? Your life ?

   Accidentally broke the window out of my neighbor's Accord while playing catch with my son and started it with a screwdriver out of habit.

   I like hitting stuff to make it work. Makes me feel like the Fonz.

   It was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

   Who says I can`t cook? You obviously haven`t tasted my cereal !