Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your call is very important to us so please enjoy this flute solo for the next 90 minutes

   If there is watermelon why isn't there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the elemelons

   They say that ignorance is bliss but I find it rather disturbing.

   Of all the poop in this world, who decided that bat shyt's the craziest?

   Tough part of being vegan is getting up @ 5 am to milk the almonds...

   Donald Trump is so terrible at negotiating that he can't even find a way to convince his wife to live with him.

   Sean Hannity debating Ted Koppel about real journalism is like a 5-year-old debating his dad about the rules of the house.

   Sources say Michael Flynn may have turned on Trump and become witness for FBI, or as Donald calls them, Female Body Inspectors.

   Apparently the Art of the Deal is actually the doodles you draw on your notepad while your deal crumbles.

   Official White House response: Donald Trump's in meetings. Journalists with cameras and tourists with iPhones: Donald Trump is definitely golfing.

   Curiously enough, pulling out of Trumpcare is also the GOP's new birth control strategy.

   Don't you people see.... these dummy-crats are trying to peece us off. Lets show them we are bigger than that, and they need a job.

   almost annoyed by the fact that Pablo Escobar spent most of his life tucking in his shirt but he’s only remembered for selling drugs.

   If there is a watermelon why isn't there an earthmelon and firemelon and airmelon? You know…the elemelons

   I'm glad to see most of you are not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

   Getting exercise by marching is Trump's new healthcare plan . What an idiot

   At the end of the day the most overused phrase is at the end of the day.

   During the election Syria financialy supported 2 groups... 1SlS and the Clinton campaign.

   One candidate wanted to make America great. The other wanted to get RICH

   Note to self - playing the Trump card isn't as effective when the Trump is a joker.