Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 21:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 11:50 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry there will be no April Fools day prank coming out of the white house. They already did by putting Trump in office.
←Rate | 04-02-2017 00:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time at Subway they make you a bad sandwich, shove it in their mouth.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 22:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1994. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 20:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buckwheat was asked to use dictate in a sentence. "Darla say my dictate good"
←Rate | 04-01-2017 18:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Important life lesson learned.... you can't hide a bogger under a glass table.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the difference between a illegal and a park bench??? A park bench can support a family
←Rate | 04-01-2017 18:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The pinata is a great way for Mexicans to teach their kids to beat something till they get what they want.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 17:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Musl/ms dont use toilet paper. Starbucks vows to hire 10,000 of them. Enjoy your coffee.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 17:45 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Trumps first hour in the whitehouse - Clean up all the crack baggies
←Rate | 04-01-2017 17:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!
←Rate | 04-01-2017 17:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Mike Flynn's microwave just offered to testify in exchange for immunity.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders if Mike Pence sleeps upside down from his ceiling in his house with no furniture.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Miss the days when a White House scandal only involved the Oval Office and an intern with dirty knees.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The EPA is rejecting science in favor of blind faith in mega-conglomerates who prize profit over humanity. That's why it was created, right?
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Watching the news is like playing Clue. So how do you think Flynn's going to die? Bannon in the bathroom with a needle.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump has been divorced three times. From: 1) Ivanka. 2) Marla. 3) Reality.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is April Fools if you voted for Trump.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't get Donald Trump started on how Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd is no match for Dreamy Eyes Sean Hannity.
←Rate | 04-01-2017 16:09 Comments (0)  




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