Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My new favorite Trump name=Twitler
←Rate | 01-07-2017 15:56 by @downtownscottybrown Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:43 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:35 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you go black, that frost bitten toe's gotta come off
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:33 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. ~ Steven Wright
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon let the President Elect do his thing...The American people will rise up and tell him what they want!
←Rate | 01-07-2017 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to lose weight. When I sweat, I'm like a side of pork basting in its own juices.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 10:21 by Millender Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before any President of America visits any foreign country, he relies on CIA intel for his security while abroad. I am not trying to put any ideas in CIA people's head but...
←Rate | 01-07-2017 06:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon WHO'S PAYING FOR THE WALL!?!?!? It's : Mexico Mexic Mexi Mex Me.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 00:41 by @Brandtula82 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my yard is so white it got nominated for an Academy Award
←Rate | 01-07-2017 00:15 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE 2 GUYS THAT STOLE A CALENDER ? THEY BOTH GOT 6 MONTHS!!!
←Rate | 01-06-2017 20:46 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care about self driving cars. . . What I really want is a self FLYING car.
←Rate | 01-06-2017 20:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So like, you know that tag on a mattress that says "Not to be removed under penalty of law?" Well guess what I just did? I don't care man, I'm a rebel. They can come and get me.
←Rate | 01-06-2017 19:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the next Season of Survivor.... call my gun range shooting wife fat!
←Rate | 01-06-2017 15:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Putin controlling Trump is mildly entertaining but the Muppets are still my favorite puppet show!
←Rate | 01-06-2017 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life was a lot easier when I believed in Santa Claus. . .
←Rate | 01-06-2017 14:19 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hard to know if we should be taking Trump's tweets seriously when we don't know if they're coming from a locker room or not.
←Rate | 01-06-2017 12:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says IDGAF more than an old woman playing the slots in the casino while wearing an oxygen tube and smoking a cigarette
←Rate | 01-06-2017 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't keyboards have a ".com" key on them now? Come on nerds!
←Rate | 01-06-2017 10:43 Comments (0)  




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