Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 983 of 6447

Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
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04-04-2017 07:48
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I'm not saying she's easy, but every time she eats a banana she automatically puts one hand behind her head.
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04-03-2017 21:04
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Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.
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04-03-2017 21:03
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I'm not saying she's easy, but even a claustrophobic person would be okay inside her.
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04-03-2017 21:03
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After today's revelations about Susan Rice, I think it's become clear that the only foreigner who meddled in the election was Obama.
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04-03-2017 20:32
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I only watch p.orn on 13 inch tv's. I feel better about myself.
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04-03-2017 19:41
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I'm not saying she's a slut.... but she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job ..
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04-03-2017 16:36 by SEAN
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I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.
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04-03-2017 13:34 by Mick
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A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)
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04-03-2017 11:43 by Mick
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OKAY honey don't freak out someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
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04-03-2017 11:41
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Earn extra cash from superstitious strangers by placing a wishing well in your front garden.
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04-03-2017 11:28
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am starting a go-fund-me page to gave a giraffe a c-section
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04-03-2017 11:27
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Why is a bus like a garbage truck? It makes frequent stops to pick up the trash.

Kids consider “it’s bedtime” like it’s the first offer in the negotiation process.
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04-03-2017 07:27
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Trump has asked his senior advisors to figure out a way to combine his two favourite pastimes ... golf, and getting peed on by Russian call girls.
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04-03-2017 00:55
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Never give up on your dreams. You can go from Slovakian call girl to First Lady if you put your mind to it.
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04-03-2017 00:46
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I went from fat to fit ... but only on the "how do you compare physically to the President" scale.
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04-03-2017 00:44
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There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.
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04-03-2017 00:13 by Zinc
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One time in 6th grade me and my friend got to an Easter egg hunt early and switched all the candy in the eggs with mustard and ketchup.
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04-03-2017 00:11 by Zinc
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Oh good YouPorn put up all their Easter themed porn.
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04-03-2017 00:11 by Zinc
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