Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 976 of 6446

In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I'm keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.

For now on, should United airlines lose a passengers baggage. That passenger has a right to kick a$$ on one of their employees. . .
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04-13-2017 17:58 by JAB
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there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?
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04-13-2017 17:12
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American Airlines might lose your bags but they won't kick your ass.
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04-13-2017 16:59
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I can picture it now. Xi says in Chinese "look at this fat idiot attack that chocolate cake." And then the interpreter says in English "we agree that this meeting has been very useful".
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04-13-2017 15:41
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I just dropped a MOABM .. mother of all bowel movements
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04-13-2017 15:16
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I think my song is "Let It Go" because whenever I mention love, they sing it.

United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, cry like a baby, leave as patient.
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04-13-2017 14:49
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I switch my phone to united airplane mode and now I woke up in a hospital with a headache!
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04-13-2017 11:40 by Jitney
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I'd be willing to bet that the gambling addiction hotline would work better if every fifth caller was a winner.
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04-13-2017 08:44 by MK
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I think I'll open a Vietnamese Restaurant and call it "Pho King Delight."
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04-13-2017 08:41
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I was dragged outta the Chinese All you Can Eat Buffet today because I refused to leave....
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04-12-2017 23:30
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Hey UNITED, my ex is flying from Atlanta to San Antonio, flight 2145 row 12, seat D. Do your thing
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04-12-2017 22:49 by BEGO
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United Airlines just received failing grade from the health department for having blood on its Chinese take out.
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04-12-2017 14:03
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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs.
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04-12-2017 14:02
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United Airlines just released their new frequent flyer app. Easy to use, too. It's all drag and drop.
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04-12-2017 09:01 by djjackson
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Give a man a beer and he will entertain you… Hold a mans beer and he will entertain the world.

"16 and Applying to Colleges" -rejected MTV reality series
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04-12-2017 07:48
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Good thing that doctor wasn't wearing leggings, too.
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04-12-2017 07:29
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Southwest- We beat our competition. Not you.
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04-11-2017 23:46
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