Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 967 of 6446

If I could have dinner with anyone, alive and dead, no question,,, I would want it to be Schrödinger's cat
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05-01-2017 02:06 by snotty
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Trolls used to live under bridges...now they work for the DNC and are on the internet.
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04-30-2017 22:09
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I was planning to have my teeth polished but decided to get a tan instead.
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04-30-2017 21:55 by Depirts
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I don't understand why male paedophiles, who likes male children, don't consider themselves gay.
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04-30-2017 20:47 by ADM
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If I fell and hit my head really hard maybe I'll go see the new Baywatch movie.

The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
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04-30-2017 12:17
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Thanks I'll be here till 11, don't forget to tip your waitress she's my only ride home.

A man drove past my house in a van painted: come to my van for free candy. Everyone thought he was dangerous, but I got my candy eventually.... the memories
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04-30-2017 03:42
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Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry
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04-30-2017 03:02
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If anybody seen me out last night, it wasn't me...I've been hacked!
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04-30-2017 02:44
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New Presidential Executive Order: All DNC Trolls must now only fly United Airlines
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04-29-2017 22:24
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Who remembers when we had a census of a coming ice age, so the government & EPA made all vehicles get catalitic converters that made cars get less milage & use more gas, which made more pollution so we had to stop acid rain,&ozone holes. SCIENCE RULES lol
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04-29-2017 20:47
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EPA/Science: If we dont do something about Water War, Food War, Ice Age, Acid Rain, Ozone, Over population, Solar Flares, Y2k, Cimate Change/Warming/Weather, we will be dead within 15 years.
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04-29-2017 20:41
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Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
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04-29-2017 20:20
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Damn! Trump really hates the LGBT community. I don't remember any president openly come out as a bigot and proud of it.
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04-29-2017 17:33
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I just executed a North Korean Squirrel.
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04-29-2017 15:24
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Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
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04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick
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Trumps latest slogan...Make America Golf Again!
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04-29-2017 12:12
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I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
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04-29-2017 07:00
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My inner self is in Photoshop
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04-29-2017 06:59
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