Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 964 of 6383
I'm a Twinkie in a Dingdong world !
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02-05-2017 17:26
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Do people literally just sit there and think about Trump ALL DAY long? My lord people. Watch Netflix, go outside, go to work, eat an apple, have sex, call a friend, do laundry, smoke pot, buy a truck, plan a trip, rob an old lady, cook jello, use a port a
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02-05-2017 16:55 by mr maybe
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Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals......
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02-05-2017 14:26
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Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.
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02-05-2017 13:08 by Mickey
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I thought Super Bowl LI was a Pho Soup special at a Vietnamese restaurant.
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02-05-2017 10:58 by Mickey
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Trump really trying to take credit for Obama's 227,000 added jobs in January? Smh.....
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02-05-2017 09:16 by JW
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Damn girl, are we in a bad western? 'Cause I wanna have an hour long showdown with you that would only take 5 minutes in real life.
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02-05-2017 04:45
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I'm rubber you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Ma'am, that's not how speeding tickets work.
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02-05-2017 01:22
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I come from a long line of men who will happily answer to a name that is not their own, which may or may not sound vaguely similar to it.
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02-05-2017 01:16
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It's like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
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02-05-2017 01:14
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Not very happy with my new microphone but I'll hang on to it in case I ever want to make a video that sounds like I'm at the bottom of a well shouting into an empty beer can.
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02-04-2017 21:55
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Even Heaven has a Wall .... a Gate ..... and Extreme Vetting to get in .....
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02-04-2017 21:32
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Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.🎩
I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is in therapy for PTSD.
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02-04-2017 18:45
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How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven't paid for a ticket from entering the game!" #NotMySuperBowl
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02-04-2017 14:26
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Super Bowl: it's like WrestleMania, but boring.
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02-04-2017 14:06
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No one is above the law, especially the president.
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02-04-2017 13:56
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I think EVERY elevator should have it's "2" button replaced with,, "Congratulations, You lazy @$$."
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02-04-2017 09:05
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I'm gonna build a fence, how do I get my neighbors to pay for it? Asking for a friend
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02-04-2017 06:46
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If Pictionary is where you draw pictures then what’s Dictionary.
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02-03-2017 22:48
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