Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 956 of 6383
Most girls will spend Valentine's day alone because their boyfriends will be with their wives
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02-14-2017 13:39 by BEGO
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KellyAnne Conway looks tired and flustered every day!
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02-14-2017 12:03
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So the state trooper said "I've been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn't you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
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02-14-2017 12:01
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If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .
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02-14-2017 10:00 by JAB
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Dateline's Keith Morrison can now be your GPS voice, which is awesome unless you put in a middle school in your GPS device...then instantly become a part of to Catch a Preditor.
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02-14-2017 09:58
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Happy Single's Discrimination Day. You'll be takiing matters in your own hands. Don't forget to clean up. . .. . .
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02-14-2017 08:04 by JAB
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Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay
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02-14-2017 07:52 by MDS
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I got a letter from my crush on Valentine's Day. Well, technically it's a restraining order but still....
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02-14-2017 07:46
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Happy VD to all you young lovers out there,,,!!!💜
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02-14-2017 03:36
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irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"
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02-14-2017 01:26 by Eddy
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pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks
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02-14-2017 00:27 by Eddy
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Valentine's Day was started accidentally when an irresponsible man gave a bow and arrow to a cherub-faced Baby and he shot the man's lover in the heart ... true story.
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02-13-2017 20:14
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Her: Make your own snack. Me: It says: Not to operate heavy machinery while using this medication. Her: It's an oven not a forklift.
If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
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02-13-2017 15:20 by John Y
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I've decided on my Valentine's Day date...Its going to be whoever sits down next to me at Fricker's. Fingers crossed that its a girl this year!
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02-13-2017 15:19 by John Y
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Its national shave your... Well, tomorrow is valentine's day. Just an FYI.
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02-13-2017 15:17 by John Y
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The Real valentine Holiday is 15Feb...when chocolate is 70% off!
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02-13-2017 15:04 by Jitney
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No thanks on the street corner baskets for Valentines Day. Just put those $10 on a chipotle card.
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02-13-2017 15:02 by jitney
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Ive started reading my boys facebook statuses at night instead of bedtime stories, so they'll understand the importance of an education.....
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02-13-2017 13:47 by SEAN
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Wow! Did everyone notice C3PO at the Grammys??? He sure has let himself go...
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02-13-2017 08:32 by #ew
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