Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon One of the worst jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in a James Bond movie.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hy do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 08:15 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon y doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which rock group has 4 men that can’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christopher Columbus was the first socialist. "He did not know where he was going, he did not know where he was, and he did it all at taxpayers expense."
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere there's a guy named Jayden K. Smith wondering why nobody will accept his FB friend requests
←Rate | 07-10-2017 23:53 by Sharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be a Convenience Store; not a government agency.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 21:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon X and Jayden K. Smith are now friends.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of it is not men's fault.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 19:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I need to ask you a serious question. GF: OK! First, let me get my mother, sister, BFF and college roommate on speakerphone!! Me: OK, why does a wool sweater shrink when you wash it but sheep don't shrink when it rains??
←Rate | 07-10-2017 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot out that gangs are doing drive-bys with water pistols!
←Rate | 07-10-2017 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies please stop editing your pictures what if you go missing how are we going to find you you look like Janet Jackson on Facebook but in person you look like Freddie Jackson
←Rate | 07-10-2017 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex-wife was such a fabulous cook, even the smoke detectors cheered her on....
←Rate | 07-10-2017 14:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." The problem is, I can't tell the difference anymore.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 09:23 Comments (3)  


   messageicon hey guys, lets see some of your best, it's so hot jokes.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 08:29 Comments (0)  




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