Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Somewhere there's a guy named Jayden K. Smith wondering why nobody will accept his FB friend requests
←Rate | 07-10-2017 23:53 by Sharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be a Convenience Store; not a government agency.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 21:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon X and Jayden K. Smith are now friends.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 20:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of it is not men's fault.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 19:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I need to ask you a serious question. GF: OK! First, let me get my mother, sister, BFF and college roommate on speakerphone!! Me: OK, why does a wool sweater shrink when you wash it but sheep don't shrink when it rains??
←Rate | 07-10-2017 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so hot out that gangs are doing drive-bys with water pistols!
←Rate | 07-10-2017 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies please stop editing your pictures what if you go missing how are we going to find you you look like Janet Jackson on Facebook but in person you look like Freddie Jackson
←Rate | 07-10-2017 15:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex-wife was such a fabulous cook, even the smoke detectors cheered her on....
←Rate | 07-10-2017 14:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." The problem is, I can't tell the difference anymore.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 09:23 Comments (3)  


   messageicon hey guys, lets see some of your best, it's so hot jokes.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its so hot in my apartment,Satan called asking if its for sale!lol
←Rate | 07-10-2017 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Jong Un is fat! It's not because it runs in his family. He's fat because nobody runs in his family.
←Rate | 07-09-2017 15:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
←Rate | 07-09-2017 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!!!
←Rate | 07-09-2017 08:38 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?
←Rate | 07-08-2017 12:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
←Rate | 07-08-2017 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is so hot today that the Presbyterians are issuing rain checks, the Methodists have begun using wet wash cloths, the Baptists have resorted to sprinkling and the Catholics are trying to turn wine back into water.
←Rate | 07-08-2017 11:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a passionate sexy romp under the covers this morning!..though I'm not too sure Wimbledon security were too thrilled about it?
←Rate | 07-08-2017 07:27 by Trueman Comments (0)  


   messageicon what do you call a fly without wings?
←Rate | 07-08-2017 00:16 by silvanus Comments (6)  




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