Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 935 of 6446

That was quick. Mooch is down, and I only need one Jeff Sessions for Trump Bingo ! .
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07-31-2017 21:44
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I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never come for me.
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07-31-2017 17:46
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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I can't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

Do you listen to Rap music? If so, who’s your favorite Rapist?
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07-31-2017 10:51
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cooking tip: if your tired of always having to boil water everytime you have to make pasta,boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.......your welcome!
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07-31-2017 09:52
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when you drop your iphone, remember that's gravity that makes the apple fall
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07-30-2017 22:52 by Eddy
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Those NK missles all have "Thanks Bill" stickers on the side.
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07-30-2017 21:02 by Hillbilly
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yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
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07-30-2017 20:28 by snotty
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My uncle is the town drunk. Unfortunately, the town is Chicago.
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07-30-2017 13:45 by Mick
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Today I ask God for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance, because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I might beat them to death...
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07-30-2017 12:24 by XX-FOXY
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When Kim Fatass Un bombs us, are we gonna blame Obama?
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07-30-2017 10:24
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"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible" "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
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07-30-2017 02:12
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North Korea got missile that can reach Chicago,,, be carefull North Korea chicago will shoot back
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07-30-2017 00:18
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pot a gateway drug? Not everyone who smokes pot ends up doing heroin, but everyone who does heroin started off with smoking pot!
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07-29-2017 20:48
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This years summer swimsuit look = busted can of biscuits.
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07-29-2017 14:51
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If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.

The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
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07-29-2017 08:02
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I hope the police take the Orange Man's advice and rough him up when he is finally arrested for being a Russian Spy.
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07-29-2017 07:57
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The relationship my wife and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.
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07-29-2017 06:24
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