Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 916 of 6383
Just want to say a quick prayer to United's Public Relations teams. RIP.
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04-10-2017 11:31
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On the lighter side, United Airlines won't have to worry about being overbooked for a while.
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04-10-2017 11:30
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Drink Bacardi while you workout and call it Bacardio
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04-10-2017 09:40
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I received some good financial news today Muntabe, the African kid I was sponsoring was eaten by a lion
Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs.
Chances are ladies, that if you're holding an acoustic guitar in your profile pic, I'm not accepting your friend request.
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04-09-2017 13:39
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We live in a generation of weak people. Everything has to be watered down because it's offensive, including the truth.
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04-09-2017 11:53
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Never really got into the show The Walking Dead because I thought it was about the Obama administration.
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04-09-2017 10:44
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I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
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04-08-2017 22:46 by XC
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Trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs.
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04-08-2017 22:46 by XX
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Last week's media: OMG! President Trump and our enemy Putin are obviously best friends. This is unacceptable !!!
This week's media: OMG! President Trump upset our friend Putin. This is an unacceptable !!!
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04-08-2017 22:39 by XXX
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I go around at night knocking the little lead pieces off of people's tires at night. I own the tire shop up the street.
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04-08-2017 18:05
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Since the NSA knows my porn preferences, maybe they can suggest some new content.
There's a reason Jesus didn't turn water into whiskey
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04-08-2017 14:50
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I went to the toilet without my phone. There's 118 floor tiles and the longest word on a shampoo bottle is "methylchloroisothiazolinone".
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04-08-2017 13:13
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There are no Walmarts in Syria....only Targets.
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04-08-2017 09:05 by Mo
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I sure am glad Hillary didn't get elected because we'd still have Obamacare and be at war with Syria.
"What will we get for bombing Syria besides more debt and a possible long term conflict? Obama needs Congressional approval." - Donald Trump on 29th August 2013
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04-08-2017 00:19
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i like interacting with people except on days that end with a Y
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04-07-2017 23:38
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The sign said "Buy One, Get One Free!" but I only needed one. So I took just the free one. My hearing is next week.
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04-07-2017 10:35
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