santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Locust swarms. Killer ninja murder hornets. Virus pandemics. You were complaining about Christmas music

   If you want to save some money, now might be a good opportunity to tell your kids that Santa did not survive the pandemic

   Now would be an Ideal time for Netflix to release Sheldon Cooper presents Sheldon Cooper's "Fun With Flags"

   Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole, but does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?

   Wonder why kids set out milk and cookies for Santa, but not a salad for the Easter Bunny.

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day in about 3 weeks...take down your Christmas decorations.

   I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.

   Today’s the start of the “Christmas hangover.” The holidays are over and everyone is getting their credit card bills. I just got mine and I can’t believe I spent that much on the Thigh Master.

   This year my mother gave my son a drum set for Christmas. Which surprised me. I said to her don't you remember how you hated it when I played the drums when I was a kid? She replyed with a smile , I remember.

   My neighbors still have their Christmas wreath on the door. I was gonna knock to complain, but I don’t like confrontation so I just stole it.

   Time to lose a little weight from the holidays with my guaranteed to work weight loss program that's called "Log Out of Facebook"

   Spent too much money over Christmas so tonight I'm going to party like its $19.99

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   The week between Christmas and New Year's should be called "Taint Week".

   I got one of those Instant Pot gadgets for Christmas. What a load of BS. 3 days now and it hasn't produced any weed whatsoever. Instant Pot my eye.

   For Sale: Slightly used Christmas tree. Cheap. Can pick up in front of neighbor's house.

   I got jumper cables for Christmas because I like to start crap...

   I can't believe we still have 364 days till Christmas and people already have their lights up.

   The Day After Christmas Menu: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna. Lunch: Leftover lasagna. Dinner: Leftover lasagna. Dessert: Leftover lasagna. Beverage: Lasagna shake.

   Everybody’s saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family, so here’s a Merry Christmas to all the strangers and enemies no one ever says Merry Christmas to!