jdpower Funny Status Messages

   looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..

   Not to be insensitive, but this oil spill better not affect my access to delicious pelican meat.

   How much would it suck if your name was really "Ed Hardy"?

   Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.

   Justin Bieber is approximately the same diameter as the oil pipe in the Gulf......is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?

   Next for BP: they're going to add balsamic vinegar to the oil; turning the Gulf into a nice vinaigrette.

   I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.

   South African authorities are estimating that 40,000 sex workers will trickle in for the World Cup. Wow! I had no idea hookers like soccer so much!

   While I like the idiom "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", it remains the unvarnished truth that sh!t attracts more flies than anything.

   The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'

   I'm sick of Canadians sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs.

   Sarah Palin thinks US law should be based on the Bible. As the most attractive female in national politics, I think she'd be far more successful doing an arm-in-arm political fashion tour with the most attractive man in Washington, Ann Coulter.

   BP says their latest cleanup technique is called a "Dirty Sanchez." I don't want details.

   Not to scare anyone, but we're only a decade or so away from grandmothers named Amber or Brittany.

   After five minutes of forced conversation, I've just realized that this person sitting across from me is not, in fact, Tony Danza

   Tried to log into my WellsFargo.com account with my MILF-Hunter.com password. Oh, whatever, like you never did that!

   When is that 1/2 man on '2 and and 1/2 Men' going to officially become a man?

   Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. So, no change from Transformers 1 and 2.

   Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

   Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich