Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 898 of 6446

If I live to be 100, I will just make up a reason when people ask how. "I eat acorns every day."
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10-02-2017 19:00 by markf
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The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
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10-02-2017 18:59
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When I leave home on time for something I have that sure feeling that I forgot something
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10-02-2017 18:49 by markf
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Once a year you unknowingly pass the anniversary of your upcoming death. You're welcome.
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10-02-2017 14:50
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O.J wants to move to Florida. Florida doesn't want him. He can move in with me, think of all the publicity I'll get. . .
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10-01-2017 18:14 by JAB
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My wife is mad at me because I dropped a channel in protest of the NFL. Oh I’m keeping red zone I dropped QVC
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10-01-2017 14:22 by JW
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O.J. Simpson is now available for the next season's Dancing With The Stars.
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10-01-2017 09:24 by BobW
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Jay Z wore are Colin K jersey on SNL last night. Couldn't spell Kaepernick
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10-01-2017 09:00
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Kylie Jenner is pregnant. Caitlyn is gonna be a Tranpa.
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09-30-2017 22:33
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I'am a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that's the truth.
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09-30-2017 21:33
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Not to be outdone. Caitlyn Jenner announces it is pregnant!
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09-30-2017 09:13
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It's not complicated....it's confusing & stressfull
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09-29-2017 21:24 by Predasa
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When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming
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09-29-2017 14:40 by BigToe
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I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.
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09-29-2017 14:38 by Gil
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Why are there so many old, retired men in church? They're cramming for the final.
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09-29-2017 13:45
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The only reason I picked up that copy of Playboy was to read Hugh Hefner's Obit.....What Pictures???

I hope old Hugh went out with a bang.
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09-29-2017 10:05
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BREAKING: Chicago Police Dept has replaced all sirens with the National Anthem, to force suspects to stop running and take a knee.
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09-29-2017 09:16
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I hate it when you try to stay behind someone one car-length for every 10 mph of speed like you were taught in Driver's Ed, and then some idiot pulls in front of you.
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09-29-2017 09:10
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No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
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09-29-2017 09:10
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