Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Teacher: Billy, what rhymes with orange? Billy: No it doesn't.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 17:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smart man covers his ass. A wise man keeps his pants on.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:02 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Some girl on Facebook just posted "I'm so happy right now that nothing can bring me down!" Should I tell her about gravity?
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon But Officer, I wasn't tailgating. I was drafting.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like if people wanted Clinton to come out and address every major event in the country, they probably should have elected her?
←Rate | 10-13-2017 07:52 Comments (3)  


   messageicon "Friday" is an old Indian word that means "Just two more days until Monday."
←Rate | 10-13-2017 06:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice if you could adjust the brightness level of people like you can on your TV?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't always have to be in a rush. The early bird may get the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't witches wear panties? Because they get a better grip on their brooms without them.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 20:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just drove thru the 'hood and didn't see any NFL players helping the oppressed.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 16:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just admit it you're acting like a baby! You're just mad because I'm the REAL SLIM SHADY!!! -Trump
←Rate | 10-12-2017 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching all these Hollywood people pretend they didnt know about Weinstein is some of the best acting they’ve done in years
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:30 by CrackY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: African Americans make up 13.3% of the US population. Fact African Americans make up 70% of the NFL. Fact: Average NFL Salary: $1.9 million. And these are the guys protesting "Oppression"?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 13:05 by Kado Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Cleveland Indians gave it up faster than an ovulating woman just released from house arrest.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 11:28 by Jeter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...
←Rate | 10-12-2017 09:22 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thoughts on lunch time at the office: I like opening the microwave with one second left on the timer. It makes me feel like James Bond disarming a nuclear bomb.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got caught in the rain once. Apparently you have to bring your own piña coladas. Why don't they tell you these things in advance?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 07:40 Comments (0)  




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