Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 862 of 6446

By this point in December anytime I type 'amazing' into my phone it changes to Amazon so time to cut back online shopping and your sweater looks Amazon.
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12-22-2017 17:43
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Apparently, my neighbor's nativity scene proves that he believes there was a Minion in Bethlehem
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12-22-2017 17:29
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If aliens landed today they would think that our phones are mind control devices that -- hey I just got another text
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12-22-2017 17:26
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Spice up the holidays with random quotation marks: "Merry" Christmas to your family / Merry Christmas to "your" family / Merry Christmas to your "family"
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12-22-2017 17:24
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It's disturbing to think that somewhere, someone might be listening to a Sane Clown Posse
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12-22-2017 17:22
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Cats always have that look on their face like you just asked if they would help you move next weekend
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12-22-2017 17:18
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2017 was not a total loss as I successfuly avoided listening to Despacito
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12-22-2017 17:15
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When I was a kid the only flavor chapstick we had was medicine.
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12-22-2017 17:12
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I wish someone had a beef with me, maybe with BBQ sauce
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12-22-2017 17:10
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it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
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12-22-2017 17:06
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him freeze it in a large block and then carve a swan out of it.
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12-22-2017 16:55
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I kinda skeptical that it's really The Last Jedi.
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12-22-2017 16:54
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The name "conservative". What are we actually conserving? Food?
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12-22-2017 14:00
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So when do we start "winning" so much that we "get sick of winning"?
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12-22-2017 13:21
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I started carrying around a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
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12-22-2017 09:12
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One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "OK, send me your mother.
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12-22-2017 09:12 by Erich
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I never judge people by the color of their skin unless they have a spray-on tan.
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12-22-2017 09:11
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Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.
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12-22-2017 07:14
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Why was the snowman smilimg? Because he saw the snowblower coming his way.
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12-22-2017 04:01
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Algebra is proof that humans create their own problems and then cry.
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12-22-2017 02:58
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