Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 855 of 6446

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.
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01-08-2018 09:32
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If the movies have taught me anything it's that sooner or later that car chase is gonna crash through a fruit stand.
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01-08-2018 09:32
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I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
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01-08-2018 09:31
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Costco: Where you can go broke saving money...
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01-08-2018 09:20
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Fire fighters confirmed that the fire did not start in Trumps library 📚
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01-08-2018 08:13
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My goal for 2018 is to accomplish goals of 2017,which I should have done in 2016,cause I promised them in 2015 and planned them in 2015
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01-08-2018 06:26
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It's just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
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01-08-2018 06:25
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It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
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01-07-2018 23:08 by Depirts
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I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
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01-07-2018 14:37 by MWC
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Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder, where in the hell are the dream police!
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01-07-2018 12:07 by MWC
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When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.
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01-06-2018 20:43 by Jake
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"I'm, like, really smart." - Donald Trump, 45th POTUS. I'm glad he cleared that up, because he had the whole world fooled.
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01-06-2018 19:41
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Question for the 84 year old widow who just won the Mega Millions jackpot: Sup, girl?
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01-06-2018 13:41
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Guys, if you're not married, but thinking about it, remember; a wife is like a hand grenade.
Remove the ring, and the house is gone.
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01-06-2018 08:22
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Just got scammed out of $15. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.
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01-06-2018 05:08
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Husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". The husband asks for sex. The wife says, "No." Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?" She responds, "Yes." He says, "Then, Id like to phone a friend."
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01-06-2018 05:07
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Someone should open a Gym in just the month of January and call it "resolutions"
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01-06-2018 05:07
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There is a company called Kia and a company called Nokia. I’m not sure who to believe
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01-06-2018 05:07
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Winter storm named Grayson sounds like it should be wearing a tweed jacket
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01-06-2018 02:44
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my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
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01-06-2018 01:11
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