santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy

   I'm shaking my laptop trying to figure out what's in the presents under my virtual Christmas tree..

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown

   thinking the perfect holiday date for me this year has WELL HUNG stockings, a mistletoe belt buckle, nice christmas balls and NUMBA 1 SPOT on the naughty list.

   Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?

   contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!

   apologizes for sounding insensitive, but that "Christmas Shoes" song just plain sucks.

   Well I just bought another load of laundry and a few things to dust for Christmas... I hope my family and friends enjoy a little extra work... You're welcome...That's just how I roll...

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.

   FACEBOOK + CHRISTMAS = Endless status updates reminding you what month it is. Not to mention pages and pages of people's Xmas pics.

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   Christmas Card $3.00 Brand new "Shrek" dvd $20.00 Gift wrap $2.00 The look of disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real - PRICELESS !!!

   knows a lot of people that will corner the market on coal this Christmas

   just met a lot of people who will corner the market on coal this Christmas.

   wondering if unemployment will be sending me a christmas bonus?

   got a sweater for Christmas ... he really wanted a moaner or a screamer 

   (Tiger's Christmas Song) Oh the weather outside is frightful. Having many tramps is so delightful. Just so my hot wife don't know…text a ho, text a ho, text a ho.

   can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"

   wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

   : Santa Claus reported his naughty girls list stolen, Police comfirm Tiger Woods is the prime suspect.