santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   got a sweater for Christmas ... he really wanted a moaner or a screamer 

   (Tiger's Christmas Song) Oh the weather outside is frightful. Having many tramps is so delightful. Just so my hot wife don't know…text a ho, text a ho, text a ho.

   can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"

   wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

   : Santa Claus reported his naughty girls list stolen, Police comfirm Tiger Woods is the prime suspect.

   : Does that mean Santa knows where all the naughty girls live? No wonder he's so jolly!!

   the difference in Tiger Woods and Santa is Santa stops at 3 hos.

   I'm dreaming of a melty turquoise Christmas. And sugar plums are fighting lesbian dragons in my head. This LSD-nog is fantastic.

   : Dear Santa, For being so good this year, can I get a look at that naughty girls list?

   I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark

   Christmas used to be the best when I believed in Santa Claus....i wanna be 15 again

   Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

   that if an old, fat man comes down you chimney tonight, creeps into your bedroom and kidnaps you don't worry! I asked santa for a friend for christmas and he is just getting me one :)

   Chasing a FAT MAN in red with salad, Oh It's SANTA

   Let's start a post that will be positive . . . . What is on your Christmas wish list?? (in the real world, of course we'd all like more money, etc....)

   ....MMmmm Santa, I'm so naughty I'll turn your HO HO HO into OH OH OH!!

   learned that the best gift of chirstmas is seeing the disappointment in a childs face when you tell them santa isn't real.

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.