Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A best friend is like a four leaf clover. They're both hard to find and lucky to have.

   If you cross a 4-leaf clover with poison ivy you'll end up with a rash of good luck.

   Somebody needs to invent a Keurig but for fudge brownies

   A good way to understand the importance of wood grain is to pet a cat.

   I used to think women were the weaker sex until the first night my wife took all the bed covers

   I can't decide whether to install a TV in the bathroom or a urinal in the family room.

   Women have options. Men have responsibilities.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, here’s a gentle reminder that the moon’s diameter is 3475Km in diameter and you could not have fked this up more

   Do necrophyliacs need dead batteries for their sex toys?

   You can take the New Yorker out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the New Yorker.

   Turtles are lucky because they come with their own nap forts.

   Now that Steven Hawking is gone, who will do the emergency alert broadcasts on the radio?

   Πr² ? No. Pie are round. Cake are square.

   pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"

   I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.

   Stephen Hawking has died. Now he will have to face the God he said does not exist.

   If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it’s not beauty.

   It's kinda awkward when you are wiping away a girl's tears and accidentally her eyebrows too

   I didn't fight in the Cold War just so we can be friends with Russia!

   It's so strange that whenever the News sources predict this months ago, the GOP and Russian sympathisers call it "Fake News". I'm starting to see a pattern