Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I first met my wife she had a little heart tattoo between her breasts. Now it's her belly button.

   Drinking with your significant other is always a fun time so please respect our privacy at this crucial time.

   The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.

   If you don't like Trump...leave the country.simple as that.

   If you call me from a private number I'll respect your privacy and not answer

   effective way of getting back at someone is to ask them a yes or no question like this - "Have you stopped putting your head up ur a$$ these days ?

   Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account

   Key to any successful marriage is to discuss everything together and then finally settling with the wife's decision

   A university's study of the human brain said the only difference between a wowan's brain and a man's brain is that the woman's brain is located in their head.

   Since Easter sunday is also April fool's day as a April fool's prank. Besides dyeing raw eggs (That I mention in an earlies status) I also willbe substituting the candy choclate balls with chocolate covered brussel sprouts.

   With all the misspelled words trump has tweeted. I hope he never tweets "Preparing to launch." In stead of "lunch"

   With all the white house leaks, they should lay in a supply of depends.

   I was addicted to Tide Pods.....but I'm clean now.

   I have a sneaking suspicion that Elton John couldn’t have cared less about how tight Susie wore her dresses.

   The DOW has drop to its lowest point of all time! Let's celebrate!

   These Bombings in Austin Could Have Been Avoided With Bomb Control Laws... Raising Bomb Making Age to 21 & "Bomb Free Zones"

   That awkward moment in a business meeting when your boss tells you to "Quit clicking that damn pen!" but you need to click it one more time to write with it.

   Seriously Gas stations need to start having Happy Hours O Something of that sort

   If your kid is almost old enough for social media, Make sure you have the "We need the talk" thingy soon. You know advising him about the usage of your/you're and there/their/they're.

   We all have at least one of those creepy friends who are sure to comment on a Facebook post/status when they see a female comment first