Baddie Funny Status Messages

   To all the mothers: Happy Mother's Day. Don't let it go to your head. You are a working double tomorrow.

   I can't believe Mary's parents bought that whole "pregnant virgin" thing.

   "You don't have to send your mother anything today, we already paid her enough." - Gay dad

   Vegetarians, your boyfriends want to break up with you.

   Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper.

   I'm sure I have annoying habits as well but lately my wife is doing this thing where she ages.

   That woman's husband on the cover of TIME looks awfully young.

   Boy, pregnant women don't like to be called "b!tches" at ALL!

   Ellen DeGeneres would make an amazing Crocodile Dundee.

   Husband during anniversary dinner, "I love you so much, let's go do it in the alley. I'll give you $30."

   I always keep a bottle of champagne and a large cigar under my side of the bed............. Just in case the wife stops breathing.

   Mayweather is a Legend. Its just a shame he practices on his girlfriend and kids.

   Never treat a slut like a girlfriend, let some other dumb guys do that.

   How bad must the rest of the sperm be if the one with Downs Syndrome wins the race?

   Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can't tuck their balls between their legs.

   The most common phrase in China: "Hey! You look familiar!"

   Suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What should Justin Bieber's next career move be?"

   Guys, it is true. Size DOES matter. When have you ever been satisfied after she brings you a small sandwich?

   My girlfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because she doesn't exist.

   I saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it so special is the fact that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on some stripper's ass.