santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   I wonder how long I can keep telling my kids I'm gunna call Santa..

   showed my son the switch that makes the fridge light go off when the door closes. He looked at me like I'd just shot Santa in the nuts.

   Why are some parents hypocritical..."don't lie to me or I'll tell SAnta on you"

   98 MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTILL CHRISTMAS....YUK!

   ____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.

   My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering? Horse? Catapult? Helicopter drop? Santa?

   Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of bad girls ;)

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit

   In an effort to boost sales, some stores are doing a "Christmas in July" completes with holiday music, decorations and sales. Nothing will put you in a buying/holiday/festive mood like Santa in a speedo.

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their tiny balls sparkle.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   wondering why unemployment didn't find it funny when I sent them a bill for overtime due to excessive hours of job searching on weekends, nights and holidays.