santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   They Say There Is No Better Christmas Gift The A Homemade One That's Why I Will Be Giving Everybody Crystal Meth This Holiday Season

   Dear Santa, I was framed.

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

   Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.

   Santa loves the rich kids more.

   All I want for Christmas is for Santa to give me a copy of his naughty list. ;0)

   Washington DC didn't ban a nativity scene this Christmas. They just couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin anywhere in the city

   I'm hoping the office Secret Santa happens early this year so I have time to regift before Christmas. I hate storing them for a year.

   ATTENTION BIEBER FANS: All shows have been cancelled until after the holidays. Sorry for the inconvenience, but Santa needs him in the workshop.

   Dear Santa, I thought I'd save you some time. There's no need to check your list. I've been very, very, naughty. I'll try again next year. P.S Why do you have to be so damn judgemental?

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.

   Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?

   All I want for Christmas is for my wife to swallow my egg nog one time!

   WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN ? IT STAYS UP FOR 30 DAYS & NIGHTS, HAS CUTE BALLS & LOOKS GOOD WITH THE LIGHTS ON

   trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn bottle opened.