santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, I thought I'd save you some time. There's no need to check your list. I've been very, very, naughty. I'll try again next year. P.S Why do you have to be so damn judgemental?

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.

   Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?

   All I want for Christmas is for my wife to swallow my egg nog one time!

   WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN ? IT STAYS UP FOR 30 DAYS & NIGHTS, HAS CUTE BALLS & LOOKS GOOD WITH THE LIGHTS ON

   trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn bottle opened.

   I'm about to overdose on Christmas music...

   Since being subtle is wasted on the naive...... I WANT A BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

   If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.

   I feel bad for Santa....the poor guy only comes once a year

   If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.

   This just in WIKILEAKS plans to reveal what you are getting for Xmas......

   All I want for Christmas is the charges dropped.

   I can hardly stand the wait, please christmas don't be late!!

   LOCAL CHICKEN FARMER HIRING STAFF FOR XMAS, $ 19.50 HR. I told them about your experience handling c*ck, you start Monday......

   ♪ ♫ ♬ Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree, you have more balls than me-ee. ♪ ♫ ♬

   Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you

   My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.

   I asked my kid, “Do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It's so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”