santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Score ! I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough...... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   Every Christmas Eve my family tries to break the record of number of people stuffed into one kitchen.

   Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number and I will post in my status which bill I paid with it or which Christmas gift I purchased. This is one numbers game I will play.

   So...I met this really nice girl at closing time last night. Granted, she's missing both her front teeth but Christmas is coming, right?!? I think it can work...

   In order to refrain from spending too much on Christmas, I'm voluntarily placing myself in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

   Here's an idea for Christmas; Give children batteries with a note saying toys not included!!! lol

   Santa calls me a Ho three times when he sees me. Like he knows me or somethin...

   Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.

   Dear Santa, Last year I asked for and received your list of naughty girls, It was fun but I think I am past that point in my life. This year I would like to receive your list of good girls with naughty tendencies!

   My Christmas tree looks like Hell. I can get away with it though, because I'm a guy.

   Dear Santa .all I want for Xmas is ur naughty list.

   Dear Santa, Can we talk about this? I'm so sick and tired being on that list. I'm just having fun.

   They Say There Is No Better Christmas Gift The A Homemade One That's Why I Will Be Giving Everybody Crystal Meth This Holiday Season

   Dear Santa, I was framed.

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

   Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.