santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, please bring me a new butt, mine has a crack in it!

   If a really fat man grabs you and throws you in a bag don't panic its just santa collecting his ho's.I'm txtn you fm the bag.Bring alcohol! Thanks

   The thing guys want most for Christmas: A portrait of themselves in a karate outfit, leaning against a sweet Trans Am.

   I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?

   I better lay off the Christmas cookies, my snow angel I just made looks like someone just pulled a stump out of my yard.

   Hates putting lights on the Christmas tree, she feels like an elf being punished for being to tall

   After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...

   Everyday I hear people say they would to take a break and get some fresh air. So, this year I'm wrapping some up in boxes and giving as Christmas gifts.

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's christmas list.

   I was excited to bring home my Xmas Tree but I didn't have the heart to tell it I'd be leaving it in the street for dead in just a few weeks.

   My girlfriend made me promise that when I fly home this Christmas it was her that I fantasized about during my "TSA pat down"

   You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks so cool, hanging from my car's rearview mirror :)

   Score ! I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough...... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   Every Christmas Eve my family tries to break the record of number of people stuffed into one kitchen.

   Inbox me your Bank Account or Credit Card number and I will post in my status which bill I paid with it or which Christmas gift I purchased. This is one numbers game I will play.

   So...I met this really nice girl at closing time last night. Granted, she's missing both her front teeth but Christmas is coming, right?!? I think it can work...

   In order to refrain from spending too much on Christmas, I'm voluntarily placing myself in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.

   Here's an idea for Christmas; Give children batteries with a note saying toys not included!!! lol

   Santa calls me a Ho three times when he sees me. Like he knows me or somethin...