Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If meterorologist are people who studies the weather. Are people who study meteors weatherologist?
←Rate | 08-13-2018 21:49 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We'll both regret it soon enough.
←Rate | 08-13-2018 13:20 by Reuben Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: How deep is your love? Me: 8 inches. 3 if you actually have a ruler with you.
←Rate | 08-13-2018 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ego and Super-ego walk into a bar. Bartender says "Sorry, Guys, I'm gonna need to see some ID."
←Rate | 08-13-2018 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where do I sign up for the Space Force? I've heard "not if you were the last guy on Earth" so space is still hopeful
←Rate | 08-12-2018 23:31 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not immauture....... I just know how to have fun.
←Rate | 08-12-2018 20:31 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find you're total lack of ambition is inspiring.
←Rate | 08-12-2018 01:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take the hint people...... Earbuds are a do not disturb sign.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 23:30 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man injured his hand at work. The doctor said sorry but we need to amputate one of your fingers. Man ask the hole finger? Doctor said no, the one next to it.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 20:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon when 1 of my lenses fall out, I like to think of the glasses as half full
←Rate | 08-11-2018 19:46 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone know if there is an age limit to join the U.S Space Force? I think I would look good with a helmet on!
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it wasn't intended for you to have a midnight snack. There would not be a light in the fridge.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A weasel walks in a bar. Bartender says what ya have? Pop goes the weasel.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 13:46 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old I can remember when ripped jeans meant you'd been attacked by a bear. Those were the days.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine playing dead & you hear “shoot everybody again”
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The south side of Chicago needs a wildfire...
←Rate | 08-11-2018 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M&M's one by one with a glass of water.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 11:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe California hasn't figured out that all they have to do is ban wildfires
←Rate | 08-11-2018 03:33 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If on that certaint night in December 1945. Mary Anne said not tonight Fred, I have a headache. We all would be better off today.
←Rate | 08-11-2018 00:47 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Have you ever been driving and you look at your phone and the battery is at 5% and for some reason you think your almost out of fuel?..... Me neither 🙄
←Rate | 08-10-2018 23:52 Comments (0)  




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