Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Weather forecasters have identified yet another tropical depression in the Atlantic Region which could potentially grow into a mega storm of epic proportions. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has appropriately named it Common Core Math
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09-12-2018 14:33 by Jsabbage
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Hurricane Florence is really really big. Lots of water, wet wet water. Most people don't know that. Just like they didn't know Puerto Rico was an island, surrounded by water, wet water.
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09-12-2018 09:08 by lilDonny
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The only difference between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
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09-12-2018 06:53
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Remember me in your Prayers like you do in your Gossips.
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09-12-2018 06:28 by raman911
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The sequel to the book Fear willbe TEARS he's still president.
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09-12-2018 05:49
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I already have a "fear" book...my old yearbook
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09-12-2018 03:16 by Eddy
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Online dating: Wasting your time since 1995.
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09-12-2018 01:31 by RyanRyan
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My wife used to be a size eight. Now she's a figure 8.
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09-11-2018 21:55 by Jake
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57 years old and I'm still not coordinated enough to pass gass with a full bladder
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09-11-2018 17:57
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What the “booming economy” means to me: higher prices for food, healthcare & gas. Anyone else feeling it?
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09-11-2018 02:11
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When a client's (djt) lawyer, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know their guilty.
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09-11-2018 01:56
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"How to tweet while on the seat" by guess who.
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09-11-2018 00:32
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I bought the book, Fear by Bob Woodward, what a fantastic read.
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09-10-2018 23:58
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I'm busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison!
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09-10-2018 17:03 by Stevielea
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Thank you for all your kind messages on my birthday.....and thank you Facebook for reminding them.
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09-10-2018 17:01 by Stevielea
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A guy at Target wearing a Dallas Cowboys hat and a MAGA t-shirt was buying a 65 inch TV so I said “Man, you’re really gonna be able to see the players kneeling on that thing.”
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09-10-2018 15:08
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new band idea: nippleback
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09-10-2018 14:54
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I burped & now I'm hungry. Along the same lines, I wonder if a big fart right now would make me horny.
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09-10-2018 14:45
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When I was younger I used to sneak out Of my home to go to parties, now I sneak away from parties to go home.
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09-10-2018 11:52 by Stevielea
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Since 1/20/17 I feel like I'm in the 1988 movie "The Live" and I'm one of the few people with a pair of the sunglasses.
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09-10-2018 08:18
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