Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 729 of 6383
Stormy Daniels is shooting a new movie, titled "Stormy Does The Republicans".
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04-17-2018 13:34
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The bright side of a zombie apocalypse is you no longer have to keep up with the Kardashians.
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04-17-2018 13:20
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I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
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04-17-2018 13:19
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I got kicked out of the threesome for singing “You’ve Got a Friend In Me.”
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04-17-2018 13:18
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So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
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04-17-2018 13:16
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When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
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04-17-2018 13:15
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I was shopping , thought cashier would ask if I wanted the receipt or not .I was prepared .She told me to have a nice day I said no thanks 😕
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04-17-2018 13:08
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Please don’t ask me for advice about life because I will accidentally screw up yours too.
I'm thinking of hiring Michael Cohen as my lawyer. He only has three clients and apparently he works for free. He doesn't take money from anyone.
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04-17-2018 12:19
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If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
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04-17-2018 12:08
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Rich men treat ladies the way ladies treat broke men.
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04-17-2018 12:08
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Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
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04-17-2018 11:09 by markf
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Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
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04-17-2018 09:23
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Could everyone stop typing for a moment while I try to remember if I took my pills. Thank you.
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04-17-2018 06:59
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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she’s worth a shot
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04-17-2018 04:50
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Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
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04-17-2018 04:50
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Teacher: Johnny,Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence..... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and...Her-ass-meant a lot to me
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04-17-2018 04:50
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If you don't like my Facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends' pages where the biggest news of the day on his/her page is what she had for lunch
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04-17-2018 04:49
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If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
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04-17-2018 04:49
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Listen here, Life isn't measured by how many likes we get, but rather the moments that take our likes away
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04-17-2018 04:49
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