Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 728 of 6446

Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."
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08-27-2018 17:53 by Stevielea
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it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?
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08-27-2018 14:36 by Stevielea
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Dear problems..plz gimme a discount..I'm your regular customer
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08-27-2018 12:31 by raman911
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Nothing says “I believe in you” more than when a waiter gives you a single napkin.

I seem to have discovered a new diet plan that appears to be really working for me that's called The Cost Of Food.
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08-27-2018 11:28
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And in other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
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08-27-2018 07:38
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The problem with women is they will assume everything but the position.
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08-27-2018 06:59
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Gas prices are so expensive...it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!
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08-27-2018 05:42 by Stevielea
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You know, I have never been told not to come to a funeral, have you?
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08-27-2018 01:24
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For National Dog Day, I told my neighbor's dog to get out of my yard. It's National Dog Day, not take a dump in your neighbors yard day.
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08-26-2018 22:45 by BigToe
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Australia Doesn't Exist And People Who Live There Are Actors Paid By NASA.
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08-26-2018 22:45
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Every dog has it's day . . . mine has his on the first day of March at H&R Block and usually ends up with a huge tax refund!
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08-26-2018 16:38
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I don't go jogging in the morning because would just end up splashing coffee everywhere.
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08-26-2018 05:38
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I never drink because I wouldn't want to appear relaxed or approachable.
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08-26-2018 05:34
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Cop: You ran someone over. What was your motive? Me: Auto.
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08-26-2018 05:33
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Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me. Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend. Wow you’re fast.
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08-26-2018 04:47
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being #1 isn't always the best, the most popular pencil is #2 .
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08-25-2018 19:31
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It's funny, when my wife gives me the silent treatment. She actually thinks it's a punishment.
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08-25-2018 18:36 by Haha
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I'm afraid if I start working out I'll be too sexy
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08-25-2018 06:17
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What does it mean when you drink an entire bottle of gin by yourself?
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08-25-2018 04:14
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