Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 725 of 6383
We can be the kind of people who put daffodils in vases. Or we can be the kind of people who leave ants outside.
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04-21-2018 12:38
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There’s nothing better than driving fast on a warm beautiful morning and listening to loud music. Well...sex, food and money are better but I have none of those. I’ll take what I can get.
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04-21-2018 12:33
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What if we're not allowed to be happy until Jennifer Aniston is happy?
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04-21-2018 11:57
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What we have here is a failure to want to communicate.
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04-21-2018 11:57
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In Japan they read sentences from the right to the left. Kind of like how Americans read a menu.
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04-21-2018 10:59
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I miss the days when a restaurant would tin foil wrap my leftovers into a swan or a boat or a hat to keep the NSA out of my brain.
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04-21-2018 08:58
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I’m at that age where all my friends have husbands and babies and all I’ve got is time and money.
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04-21-2018 08:47
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f you're not offending anyone here, you're not trying hard enough.
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04-21-2018 08:37
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I liked Avicii's songs especially the ones where he features the guys who sing the entire song
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04-21-2018 08:26
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Just had a flashback to a spelling mistake I made earlier.... I may have Post grammatic stress disorder.
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04-21-2018 07:41
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Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some crap for Farmville
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04-21-2018 04:40
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I didn’t call you fat; I said proper wood furniture normally doesn’t scream like that
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04-21-2018 04:40
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When my wife picks a restaurant that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
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04-21-2018 04:40
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I hate to admit it, but Trump is no good at being President. He can't do a simple task of uniting the people together.
Went ice fishing yesterday. Caught over a hundred pounds, but most of it melted by the time I got home.
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04-21-2018 00:18
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DNC is sueing wikileaks. Not for false information, but for stealing emails. They do realize with that, they admit they ar real right?
Hillary Clinton: 'I Am Getting Pretty Tired of Hearing About How Nobody Likes Me' Gee, what a surprise. Guess what? Here's another surprise. I like beer!
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04-20-2018 20:58
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Have a (cough cough) happy(cough cough) 420 (cough cough) everone
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04-20-2018 18:47 by HighDude
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It's only great again for those of us who can spell.......idiot
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04-20-2018 16:14
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I'm not sure who complains more, Hillary or LeBron.
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04-20-2018 16:01
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