Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 720 of 6382
If you put a little red vest and a leash on your bowl of queso you can take it anywhere.
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04-29-2018 14:58
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There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe 'Isn't about time you IRS guys audited my return?'
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04-29-2018 11:36
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If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals you probably shouldn't invite me over.
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04-29-2018 11:27
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do you realize that Def Leppard is the safest music to air drum to while driving because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel?
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04-29-2018 09:07
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I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.
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04-29-2018 05:37
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The evening news begins with good evening. Then they proceed to tell you why it not.
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04-28-2018 21:31 by Jake
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They say crime doesn't pay. So does that mean my job is a crime?
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04-28-2018 21:18 by Jake
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When I'm standing in line at an amusement park I like to say (very loudly) "This is the ride that Jimmy got killed on."
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04-28-2018 21:06
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Curious. If a person fails at committing suicide. Could they be charge with attempted murder?
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04-28-2018 19:36
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I'm not the person my browser history insists I am.
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04-28-2018 13:21
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be like doctor strange, he saw the end of infinity war 14 million times and he never said a spoiler
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04-28-2018 12:38
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Today is national drug take back day. For your convenience, I will be placing a collection basket outside my front door.
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04-28-2018 09:14 by gil
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I’m feeling great. Almost feel like I can have choke sex again
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04-28-2018 08:09
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But have you tried applying more Vagisil?
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04-28-2018 07:53
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I hate new relationships. Now I have to act like I'm not crazy for 90 days.
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04-28-2018 06:01
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If the paleo diet works so well, why did the Flintstones need vitamins?
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04-27-2018 19:28
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Dear Amazon, I bought a vacuum filter from you because that model is hard to find. It was necessary, not because I am fond of them. I am not a vacuum filter collector. No matter how many ads you display, or emails you send me, I am not desperate for more.
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04-27-2018 18:07
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Your 6 yo has a $800 phone? Cool. When I was 6 I was begging my mom to buy me the click-pen that had 4 colors.
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04-27-2018 18:03
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Running shoes? No, I don't run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
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04-27-2018 14:05
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