Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Bill Cosby is in JAIL-O
←Rate | 09-26-2018 17:22 by curly Comments (0)  


   messageicon If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the job interview today, they asked me why I left my last job. I said, "Well, the boss asked if he could see me in his office." I said, "Only if he got fired or was transferred."
←Rate | 09-26-2018 13:23 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you can't find your wife or GF at the mall, just start talking to the hottest girl you see and she'll appear out of nowhere.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 13:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
←Rate | 09-26-2018 12:24 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon look on the bright side...Bill Cosby is gonna get a lot of Jell-o
←Rate | 09-26-2018 08:38 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?
←Rate | 09-26-2018 03:53 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I took my dog for a bike ride today . . . it's a two-seater and he pedaled as well as I did.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carrying that fake $20,000 ass is gonna get you nowhere. Literally.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 21:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bill Cosby ain't gonna like the type of "pudding pops" he's gonna be gettin in prison.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 18:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wednesday is known as "hump day". But to my dog, everyday is hump day.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:45 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Uranus, a town in Missouri has a news paper call The Uranus Examiner
←Rate | 09-25-2018 16:33 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's that it's okay to lie about your age.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:29 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking rum before 10am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic!
←Rate | 09-25-2018 13:24 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people hate you, hold your head high and your finger higher.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 07:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said Alexa, what do women want? The damn thing has not shut up for the past three days.
←Rate | 09-25-2018 01:11 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 19:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 17:55 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Bakeries don't check ID's so you can buy a birthday cake whenever you want!!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does a white man using chopsticks to eat count as cultural appropriation?
←Rate | 09-24-2018 11:26 Comments (1)  




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