Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of.... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation..
←Rate | 10-09-2018 17:17 by Mr.Sharp Comments (3)  


   messageicon If your wife or gf is charging her electric toothbrush more than once a week, she isn't just brushing her teeth...
←Rate | 10-09-2018 11:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity!
←Rate | 10-09-2018 11:47 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not accept a Friend Request from Lizzie Borden. You will get hacked.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adulting fail #86: Turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for the last 20 minutes.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 06:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there are two words in life that will open many doors for you: pull and push.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 04:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice get too thick.
←Rate | 10-09-2018 02:40 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Flat Earthers are really good at making me feel smart
←Rate | 10-08-2018 22:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you receive a Friend Request from Hormel Foods, don't accept it. It might be Spam.
←Rate | 10-08-2018 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!
←Rate | 10-08-2018 16:40 by KG Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
←Rate | 10-08-2018 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas
←Rate | 10-08-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I am ever investigated by the F.B.I. , I hope my investigation last as long as the Kavanaugh investigation lasted.
←Rate | 10-08-2018 06:55 by IDTN Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you get a friend request from me...I have not been hacked, maybe I am just lonely and trying to be your friend a 2nd time.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 18:11 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did I already post my Alzheimer's status?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:57 by KG Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't get the president's alert test tex, but I did get a tex, two big macs, fish filet, large fry, large diet coke.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 17:16 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, now that Conor no longer has a place in boxing and in the octagon, I heard WWE is hiring.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unable to purchase McGregor`s Proper Twelve Whiskey from his website, says he is currently tapped out.
←Rate | 10-07-2018 13:49 Comments (0)  




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