Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 712 of 6382
Pride Parade bans Drag Queens, it offends transgenders.Libs are confused on what side to take.
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05-14-2018 15:04
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Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
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05-14-2018 15:01
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The only permanent cure for snoring is a sledgehammer.
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05-14-2018 14:57
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ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That's ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
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05-14-2018 14:47
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Finally found my wife's G spot....... Her sister had it all along.
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05-14-2018 14:39 by Jake
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Confuciushe says: Man who fight with wife all day, gets no piece at night.
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05-14-2018 14:34 by Jake
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Relationships are like a game of cards... "You've got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run"
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05-14-2018 14:21
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I refer to avocados a "Shrekticles" because, you know....
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05-14-2018 12:32
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I'm no English major, but shouldn't Apple's Tim Cook have encouraged those graduates to "think differently"??
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05-14-2018 12:15
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Haikus are fun / But sometimes they make no sense / Refrigerator.
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05-14-2018 10:49
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I'm so old I remember when sex was dirty and the air was clean.
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05-14-2018 10:11
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Trust is just something that was made up to sell relationships
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05-14-2018 08:33
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Before we begin, I’d like to get a little weird.
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05-14-2018 08:32
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I was trying to think of something really deep to post this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
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05-14-2018 06:43
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Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Bruce Jenner must be so confused today
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05-13-2018 09:32
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remember moms, if you smell burnt toast you're not having a stroke...its the kids trying to make breakfast
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05-12-2018 20:32 by Eddy
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God gave us shins so we could find things in the dark.
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05-12-2018 16:53 by Jake
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My wife and I broke because of my gambling...... I hit the lottery and left her.
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05-12-2018 16:51 by Jake
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Trump is such a horrible politician. I can't believe that he's actually doing what he promised he would do before the election.
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05-12-2018 15:56
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