Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 712 of 6446

As I watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing I'm sure of.... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation..
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10-09-2018 17:17 by Mr.Sharp
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If your wife or gf is charging her electric toothbrush more than once a week, she isn't just brushing her teeth...
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10-09-2018 11:50
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I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity!
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10-09-2018 11:47 by Truman
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Do not accept a Friend Request from Lizzie Borden. You will get hacked.
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10-09-2018 06:54
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Adulting fail #86: Turned on the wrong burner and have been cooking nothing for the last 20 minutes.
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10-09-2018 06:49
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there are two words in life that will open many doors for you: pull and push.
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10-09-2018 04:27
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I'm trying to get my MIL to go ice fishing before the ice get too thick.
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10-09-2018 02:40 by Haha
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Flat Earthers are really good at making me feel smart
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10-08-2018 22:31
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If you receive a Friend Request from Hormel Foods, don't accept it. It might be Spam.
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10-08-2018 18:37
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Time heals all wounds, so if your uninsured, get a watch!
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10-08-2018 16:40 by KG
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I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers
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10-08-2018 12:11
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Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas
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10-08-2018 11:52
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If I am ever investigated by the F.B.I. , I hope my investigation last as long as the Kavanaugh investigation lasted.
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10-08-2018 06:55 by IDTN
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If you get a friend request from me...I have not been hacked, maybe I am just lonely and trying to be your friend a 2nd time.
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10-07-2018 21:06
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My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
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10-07-2018 20:14
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Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.
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10-07-2018 18:11 by Stevielea
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Did I already post my Alzheimer's status?
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10-07-2018 17:57 by KG
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I didn't get the president's alert test tex, but I did get a tex, two big macs, fish filet, large fry, large diet coke.
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10-07-2018 17:16 by Haha
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So, now that Conor no longer has a place in boxing and in the octagon, I heard WWE is hiring.
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10-07-2018 13:50
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Unable to purchase McGregor`s Proper Twelve Whiskey from his website, says he is currently tapped out.
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10-07-2018 13:49
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