Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
←Rate | 10-19-2018 19:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like when people call me "Sir." I just wish they wouldn't follow it up with "You're making a scene."
←Rate | 10-19-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"
←Rate | 10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rihanna turned down an opportunity to headline the halftime show at #SuperBowlLIII how ever they can still broadcast it on her forehead
←Rate | 10-19-2018 10:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you feel "blessed" because you have a lot of stuff, you obviously don't understand the meaning of "blessed."
←Rate | 10-19-2018 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
←Rate | 10-18-2018 11:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you sit on the toilet at 1159pm and the clock strikes midnight, it is the same crap different day.
←Rate | 10-18-2018 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
←Rate | 10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to our friends from the south ,The Canadian Word EH! has been replaced with WAH ? Stay stoned my friends .
←Rate | 10-17-2018 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone says, "I think of you as family," I always assume they're gonna start screaming at me for something that happened 20-30 years ago...
←Rate | 10-17-2018 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend!
←Rate | 10-17-2018 13:37 by Stevielea Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever I ride on an enclosed water slide I can't help but wonder if this is what it would feel like to be flushed down the toilet
←Rate | 10-16-2018 10:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bank Account probabbly thinks I am Dead 😢
←Rate | 10-16-2018 00:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?..... Because neither one of them had a mother in-law.
←Rate | 10-15-2018 22:12 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
←Rate | 10-15-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having some memory problems? Should we call for a doctor?
←Rate | 10-15-2018 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using my feet to lift toilet seats or push the flush handle at public restrooms has helped hone my ninja like skills.
←Rate | 10-15-2018 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's all this fuss about gay rights? I'm pretty sure there are a lot more gay lefts out there...
←Rate | 10-15-2018 13:51 by troy Comments (2)  


   messageicon Ice bank mice elf.. say it real fast 10X
←Rate | 10-15-2018 12:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe that Ariana and Pete broke up! And also that worldwide climate catastrophe is imminent!
←Rate | 10-15-2018 00:00 Comments (0)  




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