Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 710 of 6453

I'd just like to congratulate the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table! They're basically everywhere now!
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11-06-2018 04:46 by Truman
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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
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11-05-2018 13:43
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Will I be able to enjoy A Star is Born if I haven't seen the other Bourne movies?
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11-05-2018 13:41
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Daylight savings is great because we gain an hour of trying to figure out what time it is.
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11-05-2018 13:41
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I think I turned back my clock way too much I just saw a guy with a mullet at Starbucks.
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11-05-2018 13:40
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"Wisdom doesn't come from age, wisdom comes from the things that you srewed up in your life."
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11-04-2018 22:10 by Ha.ha
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"The New York marathon was found to be a more efficient way to get around the city."
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11-04-2018 21:31 by Ha.ha
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Lyft and Uber will have you outside, looking like a prostitute. My goodness..
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11-04-2018 01:41 by JBubba
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Sometimes I put my car in neutral at stoplights and roll back a little so people will think I drive a manual...
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11-03-2018 16:14 by Gabe
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When I'm not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
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11-03-2018 07:25
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If you're born in November, your parents probablity had a fun Valentine's day.
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11-03-2018 05:38 by Ha.ha
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Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both, it would fall over.
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11-03-2018 05:33 by Ha.ha
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Imagine the disappointment if a wolf knew it’s descendant would be a pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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11-02-2018 12:32 by T
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Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
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11-01-2018 17:16
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I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
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11-01-2018 06:46
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Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
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11-01-2018 06:42
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Today's tip of the Day: When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn’t doing the same thing.
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11-01-2018 06:33
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Oregon Trail was the only game that made dying of dysentery hilarious.
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11-01-2018 06:33
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Did you hear about the Egyptian King that went to College and studied plumbing.. graduated a Pharaoh faucet Major.
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11-01-2018 06:32
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Do paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that’s out to get them?
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11-01-2018 06:31
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