Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 710 of 6446

I’m going as Alexa for Halloween this year and answering every question with, “Sorry, I’m having trouble understanding you right now.”
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10-19-2018 19:50
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I like when people call me "Sir." I just wish they wouldn't follow it up with "You're making a scene."
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10-19-2018 14:49
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I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by,
"that's him officer"
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10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman
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Rihanna turned down an opportunity to headline the halftime show at #SuperBowlLIII how ever they can still broadcast it on her forehead
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10-19-2018 10:08
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If you feel "blessed" because you have a lot of stuff, you obviously don't understand the meaning of "blessed."
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10-19-2018 06:41
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well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions

If you sit on the toilet at 1159pm and the clock strikes midnight, it is the same crap different day.
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10-18-2018 03:51
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You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
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10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz
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Note to our friends from the south ,The Canadian Word EH! has been replaced with WAH ? Stay stoned my friends .
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10-17-2018 18:22
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Whenever someone says, "I think of you as family," I always assume they're gonna start screaming at me for something that happened 20-30 years ago...
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10-17-2018 15:18
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Having a child is like having a little broke ass best friend!
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10-17-2018 13:37 by Stevielea
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Whenever I ride on an enclosed water slide I can't help but wonder if this is what it would feel like to be flushed down the toilet
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10-16-2018 10:41
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My Bank Account probabbly thinks I am Dead 😢
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10-16-2018 00:04
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Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?..... Because neither one of them had a mother in-law.
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10-15-2018 22:12 by Haha
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Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell.. they're nacho friends
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10-15-2018 21:12
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Having some memory problems? Should we call for a doctor?
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10-15-2018 15:03
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Using my feet to lift toilet seats or push the flush handle at public restrooms has helped hone my ninja like skills.
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10-15-2018 14:41
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What's all this fuss about gay rights? I'm pretty sure there are a lot more gay lefts out there...
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10-15-2018 13:51 by troy
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Ice bank mice elf.. say it real fast 10X
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10-15-2018 12:51
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I can't believe that Ariana and Pete broke up! And also that worldwide climate catastrophe is imminent!
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10-15-2018 00:00
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